Pirates of Appalachia table of contents
Chapter list and everything a new reader needs to join the crew
About…
Pirates of Appalachia is an epic absurdist satire set in a near quasi-future in which North America has been transformed into mega city-states separated by lawless wilds. Think 2 parts Huck Finn, 1 part Slaughterhouse-Five, served with a punch to the face by A Boy Named Sue. The plot pits a band of bootlegging buccaneers who aim to sack the Independent City of Pittsburgh against a government paralyzed by institutionalized gridlock and a citizenry imprisoned by their social media profiles.
New chapters drop every week for everyone and will not be archived behind a paywall, so whenever you join the crew, you will have access to every chapter. This is one continuous story, so it is recommended to start from the beginning.
Beware: Pirates is an absolute moonshot of a project written with only one rule: sheer, unwavering creative audacity. This is a completed novel—not a work in progress.
“Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.”
― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
No sensitivity readers were injured in the making of this book
Table of Contents
ACT 1: A Congress of Zeros
Prologue: Lightning - Mama tells the legend of the Pirates of Appalachia
Unauthorized Affliction - a gubernatorial debate so insane it’d make the WWE blush
Killin’ Mama - Where true love meets toxic waste; welcome to Appalachia post Trumpocalypse
Ones and Zeros - Into the (digital mines) | what do you do when the world no longer vales you? You go to work, of course…
Message in a Coke Zero Bottle… and a Phonebook… and a Trash Bag…. - The Liar, the Witch, and the Hoard.
Wastin’ Mama’s Good Sense - Proposing is difficult business
Brick II - Getting real with Me Reel
Season 7 - Visiting the DroneStrike arcade and introducing GIA
Hold It as Long as You Can - DroneStrike in the real world—enter the Xioddarm
Journey to the Center of Mama Earth - Chasing a phantasmapanther is dangerous business
Title Nineteen - Right to Life; Adam Patterson visits Camboro Oil & Asbestos Healthcare Park